


Wrong Number

by LyrebirdSong



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyrebirdSong/pseuds/LyrebirdSong
Summary: Sansa needs to borrow her sister's bravery, but an incorrectly saved number gets her someone else entirely.
Relationships: Sandor Clegane & Sansa Stark, Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark
Comments: 211
Kudos: 445





	1. The Spider

_ Arya, mum gave me your new number – this is mine! _

_ Also, finally finished unpacking so you should come down to KL when you get a chance – I can get you a discount at SnakeAlley. _

_ I know you’re not into fashion, but it’s not my style – its totally yours _

_ You’ll love it! _

_ Arya, just tried calling you and it went straight to voicemail. Call me. _

_ Call me arya when you get this message. _

_ Arya, I really need you! Please call back. _

_ Seriously – I am freaking out – call me. _

_ Arya! There is a godsdamned spider in my room and its huge, help me. _

_ I think it’s a bitey spider. _

_ Arya! Its moved between me and the door and now I can’t leave my room. _

_ Please _

_ Arya _

_ Arya _

_ Arya _

_ Arya _

_ ARYA _

_ ARYA _

_ AYRA _

**I turn my phone on after work and I have 6 missed calls and 20 messages.**

**Spider still there?**

_ YES it’s still there! I can’t leave my room. _

_ Its between me and the door. _

_ I tried to go around it but it turned around to face me. _

_ It's watching me _

_ Arya, It's watching me. _

**Okay, calm down. You have packing boxes.**

**So kill the fucker.**

_ I can’t kill it! _

_ It’s not its fault that I have a totally justifiably fear of it. _

**Just squash it with a box, put it out of its misery.**

_ No! _

_ What it has a wife and little baby spiders. _

**Wtf**

_ Also, the boxes aren’t in my room. _

_ Why did you have to stay in the North. You should be here wth me, doing that glass thing. _

_ But it won’t fit in the glass. _

**Glass thing?**

_ You know, you trap it in a glass and slide a piece of paper under it and let it go outside. _

**Why don’t you do that.**

_ Because it’ll move! _

_ And bite me! _

_ And I think it’s too big to fit in one of my glasses. _

_ Also, I don’t have a glass in my room. _

_ Or a paper. _

**Or any sense**

_ HEY! It’s not funny to mock me in my time of need. _

**Okay here’s what you’re going to do.**

**You have shoes?**

_ Of course _

**Shoe box?**

_ Yes _

**Take the lid off a shoebox.**

**And split the corners so its flat.**

**You there?**

_ Yes, sorry. _

**Okay, got the lid done?**

_ Just a mintue. _

_ Minute _

_ Done _

**Good. Now take the shoes out of the box.**

_ K _

**And do the glass thing with the shoe box.**

_ What if it hurts me? _

**It won’t if you drop the box from above.**

_ Ah! I get it. _

_ You’re so smrt _

_ Smat _

_ SMART _

_ Okay _

_ I can do this. _

**So do it.**

_ Don’t rush me. _

_ DID IT. _

**Great!**

_ The box is over the spider. _

_ Can I just leave it there? _

**What**

**No**

**Slide the fucking lid under the box already**

_ Ok ok! _

_ Jeeze _

**You done yet?**

**Hey**

**You there?**

_ I did it! _

**Is the spider still in your place?**

_ Nope! It’s in the bush out the front of the building! _

_ I am dancing around right now! _

_ Thanks for the help! _

**Any time**

_ So are you gonna come stay with me for a while? _

_ Arya? _

_ You there?? _

**Not Arya**

**Your mum gave you the wrong number.**

_ Not funny _

**It’s really not**

_ You’re serious? _

**As a punch in the balls**

_ Omg _

_ I’m so sorry _

_ Likr, so sorry _

**What for?**

_ Wasting your evening? _

**It was nothing**

**Just sitting here having a beer after work**

_ Well… thanks for your help _

**It was all you little bird.**

_ Little bird?! _

_ What?! _

_ I could be a cage fighter for all you know _

**What?! Cage fighter, no**

**Just, no**

**Lol**

**What?!**

**Don’t you work in a girly store?**

_ Its not girly! Its like goth or alternative _

_ I had to watch a tonne of youtube videos to work out how to do my hair and makeup _

_ Just for the interview _

**You just proved my point little bird**

_ You can’t see me _

_ But I am making angry faces _

**And I am making amused faces**

_ Ugh. _

_ Whatevs _

**Whatevs?**

**Are you in high school?**

**Should you be living in KL now?**

**It’s no place for little girls?**

_ What?! I’m 22! _

_ And just cos I am not like an old man or something. _

_ Doesn’t mean I can’t live here. _

_ Also, my grad school is here. _

_ Old man. _

**You can’t goad me little bird.**

**I am made of stronger stuff**

_ Fine, _

_ What do I call you _

_ If not old man _

**What?**

_ I can’t have you in my phone as Arya _

**Just call me Hound.**

_ Hound? _

**Yeah, Hound.**

_ What a pair. The hound and the little bird. _

_ Sounds like a disney movie :D _

_ Hey hound? _

**Yeah?**

_ thanks for the helping me with the spider. _

**Anytime**

_ Night, Hound _

**Night Little Bird**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story originally appeared in my one-shots collection. But it grew up and wants to become multi-chaptered.


	2. A night out

_ Hey hound _

_ Are you a fan of weapons? _

**What kind of question is that**

_ Like in a history, isn’t that a cool bit of information kind of way _

_ Or medieval history? _

_ Or any kind of history _

**Get to the point little bird**

_ Do you know the name of that weapon that's like a stick with a chain and a spiky ball that hits people? _

**A flail?**

_ A flail! _

_ That’s it! _

_ Thanks Hound _

**Any time**

*******

_ What’s it called if it doesn’t have the chain _

_ And is just a spiky ball on the end of a stick _

**Could be a morning star?**

**Or a mace?**

_ Thanks! _

*******

_ Do you know more about history, like which battle happened at the Trident in 281? _

**That would be the battle of the trident**

_ Of course! _

_ Thanks! _

*******

_ How about which river was the location of the decisive Targaryen victory in the battle of the goldroad? _

**Blackwater Rush**

_ Thanks so much! I am glad you know so much about history! _

**Am I doing your homework little bird?**

_ I am 4 years out of High School Hound _

**Sooo,**

_ No! _

_ My homework is to design and construct a woman’s blazer out of sustainable textiles and include fashion sketches with at least 3 variations and fully articulated design process and justifications. _

_ Are you able to design and construct a woman’s blazer out of sustainable textiles and include fashion sketches with at least 3 variations and fully articulated design process and justifications. _

**Fuck no**

_ Then no, you can't help me with my homework _

_ Also, what is the purpose of a horseman’s pick? _

**Poke holes in people and pull em down from their mounts**

_ Thanks _

**What is this all about**

_ Nothing _

_ Do you know anything about astronomy? _

**Other than its to do with stars?**

**Nope**

_ Darn _

*******

_ Hey hound _

_ Onn e last uqestion _

_ Wy were drangons sp good at whinnig batles,? _

**Are you pissed?**

_ No, laddies dont’ get driunmk, _

**Hate to break it to you**

**But they do**

_ They just get more fun andsparkely _

**Oh fuck**

_ But hournd _

_ You didn’t tell me about the drqgons? _

**I cannot answer that question in text form its too**

**Are you cheating at pub trivia?**

_ :-) _

_ You’re the bst hound a gril could have _

**Please tell me someone is taking you home**

_ Mm _

_ Yuo _

_ Yup _

_ Margaey, is the desdriver tonigjht _

_ She is not letting mee go homd with this cut guty _

_ He’’s so nice hound _

**Do not go home with anyone except the person you were friends with before tonight**

_ Duh _

_ Silly _

_ I know that _

**Good**

_ But Joff is so preetty _

_ So prettu hound _

**I am not one of your girlfriends**

**I don’t need to hear about the shit**

_ Joffrey is such a gentleman _

_ Do you know he cut me offfrom more alcohol _

_ Isnt that nice?? _ _  
_ **Very**

**Wait**

**Joffrey Baratheon?**

**Stay away from him little bird**

_ Goin home now  _

_ We came second in trivia _

_ Joff wants to go clubbiung but margaeyr said no _

**Do not go anywhere with him**

_ Kk _

_ Don’t get your nickrs in a twist _

_ Or boxers in a bunch _

**I go commando little bird**

_ ajhjhhh@! _

_ Blech _

**Are you going home?**

_ Yup _

_ Margaery is so nice to me _

**Text me when you get home**

_ Okie dokey lokie _

_ Hound _

_ I hit my head on the caar roof on the wayh out _

_ Hirts _

**You okay**

_ Yeas. M got me asprin and water _

**Good**

_ Hound _

_ I am so sorry _

_ I feel so baad _

_ I keeeep you awakek _

**Its fine**

_ I got vomt in my hair _

**did you make it to the bathroom**

_ Yes _

_ But its in the bath _

_ Wat have I done _

**Its okay just turn on the bath and wash it away**

_ My makeup is all smeared _

_ I look so ugly _

**Not true**

**I bet you’re beautiful**

_ I am awful _

_ I am an awfl human bean _

**You’re my favourite human bean**

_ I can’t sleep because I keep being sick _

**Just stay up with me**

_ Okau hound _

**Good girl**

_ How do you know so much about medi evil stuff _

**It was my major at college**

_ Ididn’t know you wen t. Which colege _

**Western U**

**But I dropped out**

_ Your a gppd friend hound _

_ I think I am read y to og to bed _

**Take a bucket with you just in case**

**And a big glass of water**

_ K _

_ Ninight  _

_ Hound _

_ Don’t let the bed bugs bite _

_ Or is it fleas _

_ Cos ur a dpg _

**HaHa very funny**

__ *******

_ Hound _

_ I apologise for last night _

_ I was clearly out of my mind and I hope you accept my apologies for dragging you into my foolishness _

**Ha, its okay little bird**

**Everything is fine**

_ I am pretty sure that when you drink as much as I did you are not supposed to remember any of your embarrassment  _

_ But I remember everything _

_ In excruciating detail _

_ Also I think I am dying _

_ I am pretty sure that gods are punishing me for my sins _

_ By making me feel like death is a better option to living right now _

**Ha**

_ If you are going to text me it needs to be more than one word _

_ The alert on my phone sounds like someone is driving a horseman’s pick into my head _

**I**

**Don’t**

**Think**

**So**

_ You are a bad man _

**Yes**

**I**

**Am**

_ Ugh I am turning my phone off _

_ you are the worst _


	3. Advice

**Little bird**

_ Yeah _

**What flowers do little girls like these days**

_ Depends _

_ Does this little girl embrace her little girl-i-ness _

_ Or does she want to be a big girl and wants make-up and stuff _

**Uh. Shes still little but maybe wants to be grown**

_ Hmm _

_ Maybe some vibrant tulips _

_ Cause tulips are not too grown up, but not too youthful and they come in so many fun colours _

_ And tulips mean perfect love in general but the different colors can mean anything from true love to sunshine and happiness to wishing for worthiness and forgiveness _

**You know a lot about flowers**

_ Yeah, my mum made me learn them when I was little.  _

_ Her family are descended from a Great House in the riverlands so she's kind of obsessed with their traditions _

_ Apparently flowers were one of them _

**Good to know**

_ Who's it for? _

_ Hound? _

_ … _

_ How'd she like the flowers? _

**I think she liked them**

_ Great _

_ Glad I can be a part of your council of advisors _

**What the fuck is that**

_ It's the people you go to when you have problems _

_ Like, I can be your Master of the feminine _

_ Cos I know lots about that stuff _

**Master of girly shit?**

_ I prefer master of the feminine _

**You would**

**You got a council?**

_ Yup _

_ On it is my mum. She's Master of older person advice _

_ My younger brother is Master of whispers because he's some kind of internet genius and somehow knows everything _

_ And my friend Margaery is Master of Subtlety _

_ Cos she's real good at seeing beyond peoples actions to their intentions, you know _

**Okay**

**Any one not chosen by you on your council?**

_ What do you mean _

**I think I have a master of drunken wisdom, but I didn't raise him to the post**

**He just rambles at me when he's in his cups**

**Little bird?**

**Still there?**

_ Sorry, you made me snort tea out my nose and I had to wash my face _

**I wish you'd taken a photo of that**

_ There are no photos in existence of me looking anything less than perfect I'll have you know! _

**Are you sure**

_ Yes!  _

_ Anyway to answer your question _

_ Yes _

_ My sister Arya has appointed herself master of getting angry on my behalf _

_ But she calls it Master of Sansa's Bravery _

**Hah**

**The spider**

_ Exactly _

**You said one of your brothers**

_ Yeah. The rest of my family would all be on my Council of Being Reckless _

_ Even Arya _

**Yeah**

**What would I be if I was on your council?**

_ Im not sure _

_ I haven't really had to ask you for advice _

_ What do you think? _

**Don't know**

**Master of Pub Trivia Cheating?**

_ Ugh _

_ Do you have any family _

_ On your council _

**Nah, my family's all dead or should be**

_ Should be?! _

**My brothers in prison and should be dead as far as I'm concerned**

_ Sandor I am so sorry _

_ … _

_ So who is on your council besides your drunken friend _

**He's not a friend he's family of my twat of an employer**

_!!! _

**The only one I talk to for advice is Stranger**

_ The Stranger? _

**Not The Stranger, Stranger.**

**He's my cat**

_ Waaaahhhh _

_ You have a cat?! _

_ I LOVE the itty bitty kitty-witties! _

_he can be the master of being cute and fluffy!_

_ Please send me a picture _

**No**

_ Whyyyyy noooot! _

_ Please,  _

_ pretty please _

_ With a cherry on top _

**Don't feel like it**

_ Pleaeeesse! _

_ I'll be your best friend! _

_ Hound come on!!!! _

**I can't**

**I don't have any arms**

_ Noooooooo _

_ Poor little kitty witty wiv da big bad hound owner man _

_ Sansa will save you _

**I am muting my phone now**

_ Nooo hound doooon't _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that I am really blown away by the love I've received on this fic.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos. Truly from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> Whose on your Advice council?


	4. Shark teeth

_ Ugh hound _

_ I need to do one of two things _

_ Either crawl into a hole and never come out _

_ Even when I am old and grey _

_ Or _

_ Learn how to get over humiliation _

**This isn't about you getting pissed**

**And fucking up your bathroom?**

_ No! _

**What did your roommate say about that, btw?**

_ Nothing, I don't have a roommate _

_ That mess was a joy only for my eyes alone _

**You don't have a roommate**

**In KL?**

_ No, why? _

**No reason**

**Whats got your tits in a wringer?**

_ Hound! Gross! _

**Too easy**

_ Leave me alone! I can't help being brought up with manners! _

**Is that what it is**

**I thought it was you being uptight**

_ Anyway! _

_ Joff met me and Margaery for dinner. _

_ And M's brother was there _

**I thought I told you he was not a good guy**

_ You think the guy from the icecream commercials is a bad guy _

**He smiles like a shark**

_ Noone who likes icecream as much as him could possibly be bad _

**Noo needs that many teeth**

**And they're too white**

**No one has that many teeth that're that white**

_ My teeth are that white, I got it done special at the dentist last year _

**I am going to pretend you didn't say that**

_ Hound, I dropped my phone in my tea! _

_ You aren't allowed to be funny when I am trying to talk to you about Serious Things _

**What serious things**

_ Not serious things! Serious Things _

_ They are more serious than  _

_ Ugh _

_ Never mind _

_ I am trying to tell you about Margaery's brother! _

**Right something about crawling into his hole until you get old**

_ Wah! That's not what I said! _

_ I just smacked my phone really hard _

_ You can pretend I was smacking your head!! _

**Get on with it then!**

_ Anyway, I have had the biggest crush on him for the longest time _

_ He looks like a knight from a fairy tale _

_ Like he could win a duel for your hand and then sweep you off into the sunset on his magnificent steed _

**Seven hells**

_ And M and J went off to get drinks or something _

_ So I finally got the courage to ask him out _

**Stranger take me**

_ Anyway, he turned me down. Said I wasn't his type _

_ Which is impossible, because I am everyone's type _

_ I have never been turned down for anything before _

**I rolled my eyes so hard just now**

_ Stop interrupting _

_ I am not finished! _

**That I saw the back of my head**

_ So I am sitting through dinner and who should turn up? _

_ But his friend _

_ And I was an idiot who tried to prove something to _

_ The world I guess _

_ And I ask that guy out _

_ He also said no _

_ And M laughed at me _

_ And wouldn't tell me why _

**I am not the right audience for this**

_ And then I saw them kissing! _

_ Loras and this other guy _

_ I asked out not just one gay guy _

_ But 2! And they've been dating since forever _

**You'll get over it**

_ Hooound!!! _

_ It was mortifying _

**And you'll get over it**

_ But I don't have a crush on him any more _

_ I don't find men attractive if there's no chance they'll be with me _

_ Like, wedding ring - he could be the hottest guy you've ever seen but as soon as I see that ring I might as well just be looking at a sculpture in a gallery _

_ No warm fuzzies or faster heart beats or other such feelings _

_ If you get my drift _

**What I got out of this is**

**That you are ALREADY OVER IT**

**And**

**Unattainable guys don't make you horny**

_ That is NOT what I said _

_ And I don't know how to ever face these people again _

_ Seriously Loras is such a cute boyfriend _

_ But I can't even look at his Face anymore without feeling like a complete tool _

**Like I said**

**You'll. get. over. it.**

**But**

**Little bird**

**I gotta ask**

**Has noone seriously ever turned you down before?**

_ That's what you get out of this?! _

**Seriously**

_ Well _

_ There was a boy in highschool who said I was stuck up, but I didn't even ask him out _

_ He just told me for some reason _

_ I didn't care at the time, but he got a really cute girlfriend and when I saw him last year I barely recognised him he looked so different so _

_ Maybe I should have _

**Little bird**

**Are you really**

_ What _

**Nevermind**

**You'll get over this dude**

**I been turned down a bunch and I'm fine**

**And some of them even laughed**

**At least Loras and his man friend were kind**

_ Really?! _

_ Who laughed at you?! _

_ Tell me and I'll scratch her eaves out _

_ Also - manfriend - I am stealing that _

**Her eaves? You're going to vandalise her house?**

_ I meant eyes! _

_ Stupid auto correct _

_ I am going to scratch out her EYES _

**With your beak?**

_ Anyone who turns you down is not worth it anyway _

_ You're. the. best. _

**Hn**

**But you should take your own advice**

_ Oh? _

**Anyone who doesn't want You isn't worth it**

_ Oh, ha _

_ Thanks _

**Btw**

**Did you hurt your hand when you smacked your phone with it**

_ I take it back, hound _

_ You're the worst _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you for all the love on the last chapter!
> 
> I really appreciate it


	5. Souvenir

**Little bird**

_ Yeah _

_ Hound? _

**Ugh**

_ What's up? _

**My twat of an employer's twat son**

_ :O _

**Has got me buying a souvenir for his girlfriend**

_ What?! _

_ You are buying HIS gf a gift? _

**Yeah**

_ Why??? _

_ (Also, where are you that souvenirs are an option) _

**Cos he's a twat**

**We already went through this**

_ I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO OUTRAGED _

**Seven hells**

_ Oops! _

_ I didn't mean to yell at you _

_ I accidentally turned on caps lock _

_ :S _

_ But seriously _

_ Who outsources gifts for a living?! _

_ I love getting people things _

_ It's actually one of my love languages _

**What the fuck is a love language?**

**Never mind**

**I don't care**

_ So what are you going to buy? _

**Dunno**

**That's where you come in**

_ Ha! What? _

**I need recommendations**

**He just handed me 50 dragons and told me to buy her something nice while he has dinner**

**Fucking cock**

_ 50 dragons?! _

_ What is he? The crown prince? _

_ If we still had those, I mean _

_ What do you even do for this guy? _

**I'd tell you**

**But I'd have to kill you**

_ Ugh _

_ You're the worst _

**You've mentioned**

_ And I didn't miss that you didn't answer the rest of my questions _

**The gift?**

**Give me ideas**

_ I don't know if I have any ideas for 50 dragon SOUVENIRS _

**Come on, you must have some ideas**

_ Gifts are personal _

_ Duh _

_ Can you tell me anything about her? _

_ Do you know any of her likes and dislikes _

_ What type of clothes does she wear? _

**Type of clothes?**

**I dont know.**

**Clothes**

**Girly clothes**

**She looks like a doiley**

_ Very funny _

_ Seriously give me something _

**I don't know. She has hair and eyes**

**2 legs, arms**

**Hands**

_ Okay stop _

_ Don't just list body parts _

_ What does HE like about her _

**Probably that she has tits and puts out**

_ Hound! _

_ I'm serious _

**Fuck I don't know what girls like you like?!**

_ Like me? _

**Yes, she moved to KL and is studying or something**

**Young**

**Pretty**

**Rich**

_ Im not rich _

**Yes you are**

_ Am not _

**YES, YOU ARE**

_ Why are you so angry! _

**You have your own apartment in KL**

**You are already richer than every one of your classmates**

**No student can afford to live alone in KL unless daddy pays for it?**

_ Excuse me? _

**You're so proper all the time, and so fucking naive there's no way that you don't have a rich dad paying for you**

_ Hound, where in the seven's name is this coming from? _

**I am tired of all you pretty rich girls**

**Falling over yourselves to suck rich twats off**

_ You don't know anything about me _

**While us normal people have to work for a living**

_ Go to hell hound _

**Do you want to know why they hire me?**

**little bird**

**Do you?!**

_ I don't know _

**Because I scare off the fuckers that might want to hurt my twat employer's twat son**

**And my face is so fucked up that he doesn't need to worry about his birds having a wandering eye**

_ Oh _

**Yeah, oh**

**Those bitches won't even look at me**

**And that fucker knows that no woman will even touch me unless I pay them to**

_ Hound _

_ I'm sorry _

**I don't want your pity**

**But if you ever saw my face you'd agree**

**No response to that hey?**

**You're all the same**

**...**

_ Hound _

_ Get her a piece of art from a local artist _

**Hm**

_ And you're wrong _

**About what**

_ My dad doesn't pay for me to live here _

_ He was killed when I was 14 _

_ My brother was awarded a settlement from an injury _

_ It was a lot of money _

_ And he wanted me to feel safe here _

_ So he's paying my rent for a year _

**Fuck**

_ I think we should take a break from texting for a while _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank-you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> What's your love language?  
> And, what do you think Sandor's would be?


	6. Apologies (of a sort)

Unsent messages from S. Stark to  _ Hound _

_ Hound, I feel bad about what happened last time we chatted. _

_ I just feel like everyone always treats me like I'm still who I was when I was 15 and stupid _

_ I know I was vain and silly then, but I've grown up since then. Some things happened a couple of years ago that make my family feel like they need to protect me. It's why I moved to KL. To prove that I was grown up. _

_ So I could live my life, I guess. Take control back, you know. _

_ But I looked back at the past messages and I did come across as though I am still that person _

_ Ive worked hard to not be that naive little girl _

_ But I don't want to lose the core of who I am _

_ I am a romantic at heart _

_ I want to feel joy in my life _

_ It was really hard to do that after what happened with dad and then later with Ramsey _

_ But I can't lose myself again _

_ I am going to make the world beautiful and make beautiful things for people to wear that make them feel beautiful and help people be happy _

_ I am going to have my own business and be independent _

_ I am going to show my family what I can do _

_ And that I am not broken and never have been _

_ I am sorry about how that last convo ended _

...

Unsent messages from S. Clegane to  _ Little Bird (Sansa) _

**Little bird**

**I'm not good at saying sorry**

**I was just really worked up that day**

**I don't know if it's worse to have people stare at you or never even look at you**

**All day long while keeping an eye on that little shits safety I had people avoiding my eye and refusing to look at me**

**And I'm always around when he brings his girlfriend's out to lunch or whatever**

**And they always stare or flip their hair and avoid me**

**And the little shit thinks it's hilarious**

**When him and his family go on holiday and I have to watch him hook up with women who do everything they can to avoid me**

**On top of that**

**It was the anniversary of my sister's death while we were out of town**

**And it was that day that he was asking for me to get his girl friend a thing**

**And all I could think was that Ally would have liked something from here**

**And then I got mad because I can't remember her eyes anymore**

**I knew that they were hazel but I can't remember what shade**

**And then all I could think of was greagors smug face as her drowning was determined an accidental death and it made me want to kill something**

**And then you were asking all those questions about what that bird was like and all I could think was that the only present Ally gets now are flowers on her birthday and when I can make it to her grave**

**And I got pissed because she was the best thing in my life and she got stolen**

**And all the good things in my life either and die**

**So maybe I was trying to push u away before you got any closer**

**I don't know**

**But you seemed so fucking perfect that it hurt**

**But of course your not because perfect don't exist**

**This is all bullshit**

**I didn't mean to hurt you**

**I'm sorry**

…

**Little bird**

_ Yeah hound _

**Need any more help with medievil history**

_ No _

**Oh**

_ But I do need help with confronting my building manager over a cockroach problem in the laundry _

_ Got any good phrases for when I get angry? _

**Sure**

**I can help you**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the love, I hit over 100 kudos with that last chapter, so thank you to everyone!
> 
> I think this chapter answered some questions people had early on. 
> 
> Ned Stark makes reference to a Clegane sister who died early in A Game of Thrones. But she doesn't have a cannon name to my knoweldge


	7. Fisticuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa and Sandor discuss each other's passions

_ Hey hound _

**Little bird**

_ Margaery broke up with Joff today _

**Good**

_ She was using him to network because his family know a lot of business big wigs _

_ buts then she started to like him _

_ And he then said some really off stuff about her brother and she went off at him _

_ And then he went off at her _

_ Things were thrown _

**What a dickhole**

_ Yeah I know _

_ Anyway _

_ Now Margaery is determined to learn to fight and be a 'boss bitch' _

**Not a bad idea**

_ Got any recommendations _

**I don't know**

_ I thought I might like to learn too _

**Well**

**It depends on what you want to achieve**

**Do you want to learn how to defend yourself in a really practical way, like get out of a situation as fast as you can?**

**Or do you want to learn to fight. And work towards mastering an artform?**

_ Uhm _

**There's no wrong answer**

_ Okay _

_ Well, practically, I'd like to be able to defend myself enough to get away from an attacker _

_ Margaery has been reading online and has been freaking me out about secondary locations and the like _

**Right**

_ But I do like the idea of mastering something and feeling strong _

**Look at this link**

**/Link**

_ Oh wow _

_ That's so beautiful _

**Yeah, there's a lot of different kinds of martial arts**

**That link is a demonstration of the Braavosi elemental style**

_ Wow, you know a lot about this stuff _

**Yeah, it seems like you should start off with a practical self defense - one that covers breaking out of holds, and quick strikes that would get you out of a situation as soon as possible**

_ Okay - is there anything I should look at in a school? _

**Yeah, check out the credentials in their gym**

**Lots have them online now**

**You want to make sure that it's accredited with WFL**

_ WFL? _

**Westoros Fighters League**

Got it

**And, if you want to start learning a particular style, you'll need to find a school that has a master whose actually licensed with that particular style**

_ Okay cool _

**Those guys always have their licence displayed prominently, they are real fuckin hard to win**

_ Great! _

_ Thanks hound _

**Any time little bird**

_ So hound? _

_ How do you know so much about this? _

**I wanted to get a mastery when I was a kid**

_ Oh really? Why didn't you continue? _

**I got injured pretty bad**

**My master wouldn't let me try**

_ What? What a butt head! _

**No, he was right**

**I was really angry after the injury**

**It made me reckless**

_ Oh _

**Yeah, and looking back I definitely could have injured an opponent**

_ Isn't that the point _

**No.**

**My style was out of Sothyros. You have to subdue the opponent. Lots of grappling and throws.**

**Good for big guys like me, we can make good use of our bulk**

**I was already really big as a teenager**

**I can't say that I couldn't have seriously injured some one in a bout during that time**

**My master helped me get into private security though**

_ Oh _

_ It's really good you can admit that _

**Hm**

_ No really, it shows personal growth _

**Oh.**

**Fuck that.**

_ Hound, come on _

_ Have you ever thought about going back, and trying again? _

**No**

_ Really you should _

_ You clearly hate your job _

**I hate my client and her shitty son**

**The jobs alright**

**Can get exciting some times**

_ But you could do something you enjoy! _

**Like you?**

_ Of course!!! _

**Uh...**

_ I am going to make a career out of something I love _

**Right**

**But you love clothes**

_ No, you doofus _

**Doofus?**

_ I love fashion _

_ And it can be an art too _

_ Have you seen haute couture? _

**My client wears plenty of that shite**

_ I bet she doesn't wear anything like this _

_ /Link _

**What the fuck is that?!**

_ It's amazing isn't it! _

_ Oberyn Martell is truly pushing the boundaries of what's possible in fashion _

**I can see her tits**

_ Of course you can _

_ Oberyn Martell finds beauty in all human forms _

_ And he loves showing the body to it's advantage _

_ This collection is inspired by the forest children from the old lore _

_ He used 3d printing to create the floaty reedy things _

**Hmm**

_ You can admit that it looks pretty darn fascinating _

**Maybe**

_ I know you think it's cool _

**Yeah okay. But it's still clothes.**

_ And the right clothes can transform how someone feels about themself _

_ It can make you confident or feel beautiful or powerful _

_ And it can draw attention to the things you love about yourself _

_ Make someone sick and exhausted feel vibrant _

_ Make someone small and vulnerable feel ten feet tall _

**Okay okay I get it**

**You love fashion**

_ Darn straight! _

_ And I almost lost track of my thought _

**Almost**

_ But I caught it again _

**Ha**

_ Hound _

_ I think you should find your old master and invite him out for a drink _

_ You are definitely not the same kid he last saw _

_ And he'd have some ideas about getting back into it _

**I'll think about it**

_ That's all I can ask _

**Let me know how your self defense school search goes**

_ Will do! _

_ Goodnight hound _

**Night little bird**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while.
> 
> I truly appreciate all the support that's come through on this one.
> 
> Much love.
> 
> Edit: Forgot to ask, what kind of secret passions/hobbies do you think other asoiaf characters would have?


	8. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor does something on a whim - who knows where it could lead...

_Hey hound_

_Isn't it funny how life can feel like it's going to pound you hard_

_And then something happens, that makes it all better_

_Joy as a reward for hard work_

**Little bird**

**Read what you just sent to me back to yourself**

_What are you talking about_

**Just do it**

_I don't know what you are talking about_

**Are you fucking serious**

_...no_

**Pound you hard**

_Shut up_

**Do you see it**

_I see it_

_Seven hells_

_Oh gods_

**You are making it worse**

_Hound!_

**Fucking A**

_It's not funny!_

**It's pretty fucking funny**

**The master of drinken wisdom is asking me what I am laughing at**

**I'll just show him**

_Don't you dare!_

**He doesn't like not knowing things**

_Hound!_

_Omg don't you dare_

**It'll be fine**

_Oooo_

_Now you've gone and done it!_

**What?**

_If you dare do that I'll_

_Do a thing_

**Hmm**

**Not convincing**

_I'll ask Arya_

_She has good ideas_

_Maybe I'll get Bran to dig stuff up on you_

**The master of whispers?**

_That's right!_

**Okay okay**

**I won't show him**

_Thank you_

_God's_

_Thank you_

**I am out at the moment but can get back to you later**

_Sure thing_

**I know you want to tell me something about how you got pounded and then felt 'joy'**

_Hound!_

_You're the worst_

**_Later that night_ **

**Fuck**

**Little Bird**

**I’ve made a huge fucking mistake**

**enormous**

**catasrophic**

**And now drunken wisdom is laughing at me**

**And sloshing his drink all over his suit**

**And I’ve fucked my life up entirely**

**Gods Fucken Dammit**

**Stranger and the maiden and**

**And all the rest of the bastards**

_Hound_

_What are you talking about_

_Its 3 in the morning_

**I fucking know that**

_What’s happened_

**Fucked**

**My**

**Life up**

_Okay, I get that_

_But can you be a little more specific_

**I just quit my job**

_That’s great!_

**No its fucking not**

**Not how I did it**

**Most people quit properly like 'I resigned effective whenever the fuck I like'**

**But no**

**Not my style apparently**

**Fuck**

_What do you mean_

**I mean, my employers asshole son came into the bar I was at**

**And I may have got his pretty face all messed up**

_Oh hound_

**He was very obviously harassing the bar tender**

**And she’s currently dating Drunken Wisdom**

_Right_

**So I stepped in when he wouldn’t take no for an answer**

**And then he insulted the wife of this other guy**

**And this other guys braid**

_Okay_

**Which is a bad move**

**Have you heard of the dothraki?**

**You don’t want to insult them that practice the arts enough to grow a braid and keep it**

**Those guys are fucking fearless**

**Amazing to watch those bouts**

_Hound_

_You are getting off topic_

**Right**

**So the little shit got into a fight with a champion Dothraki Screamer**

**And now his pretty face is not so pretty**

_How is that your fault_

_You were off the clock_

**Well I got a call from my employer**

**And I told her to fuck off**

**And quit on the spot**

_Good for you_

**Little bird**

**I don’t have a job now**

_You could teach that fighting thing_

_That sothyros style with the bulk and throwing folk about_

**I can’t just do that**

**No one wants to learn from a big bastard like me**

_You could be like this big guy I saw at the gym yesterday_

_He told this cocky trainer that he was teaching poor form_

_And the trainer got all upset and suggested they fight_

_And_

_They did_

_And it was amazing_

**Little bird**

_It ended when he threw the guy like,_

_All the way across the mat and into the wall_

_And then he taught him how his toes should’ve been pointing_

_And suggested he focus on a different style_

_And then the owner came over and told the trainer that he had no business teaching that class_

_And then_

_AND THEN_

_She offered the big guy a job_

_He said he already had one_

_And she said that if she was looking for a trainer for throws and grapples_

_But he had already put his headphones in and was lifting like, a billion thingies of weights_

_Omg hound_

_The muscles_

**Little bird**

_It was just before my beginner’s class with Margeary_

_There were a bunch of others waiting for their class who asked the owner if the big guy was a new trainer_

_And when were his classes scheduled_

**Little bird**

_It was one of the HOTTEST things I have ever seen_

_Seriously_

_I had to fan myself_

_I don't think I could do that_

_But Margeary was all up for it_

_She wants to adapt it for her new boy toy_

**LITTLE BIRD**

_Yes_

**Were you at Oathkeeper Gym?**

_Yeah, I forgot to tell you_

_I rang the WFL for recommendations_

_They said that Brienne was the best for “skittish maids”_

_I didn’t tell Margaery that part_

_Only that Brienne was the first woman to win the WFL fighter of the year award_

**That’s what my old master said w** **hen I spoke to him the other day**

_I am really tired hound_

**Go to sleep little bird**

**_The next morning_**

_Wait HOUND_

_Do you go to Oathkeeper Gym?_

**_Yeah_ **

_With Brienne?_

**Yeah, my one on one with her is on Thursdays at 9.30**

_wait_

_That's after the beginners class_

**yeah**

_Hound_

_did you throw a guy across the room that day?_

**Mighta done**

_Are you going again this week?_

**Maybe**

**She criticized my form**

_I am sure your ego will get over it_

_Hound, do you know what it would mean if you did go!_

**Yea**

**Brienne'll bruise me again**

_HOUND!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love for the previous chapter! This is nearly done I think - two chapters left
> 
> What kind of careers do you think the other stark kids would be going into?


	9. Games of skill and cunning

_ O.M.G. _

_ Hound. _

_ We are actually going to talk tomorrow! _

_ Face to face! _

_ In Real Life _

**Don't wet yourself**

_ So funny _

**I know**

_ So, did you talk to Brienne. _

_ Are you going to take the job? _

**I did yeah**

**I'm going to assist with general fitness and strength training for fighters with Brienne until I get certified**

_ Ahh! So happy for you!! _

**Thanks**

**I start in a couple of weeks**

_ Thats so great! What did your master say when you told him? _

**He was happy I think**

**Bought me a drink**

_ Yay! I am grinning from ear to ear! _

**Thanks**

_ Anywho, so I was thinking _

**A dangerous pastime**

_ You think you're funny don't you _

_ But I know that you are quoting a kids movie _

**Ah**

_ A princess one _

**Don't tell anyone**

_ Your secret is safe with me _

**What were you saying**

_ Right _

_ Okay so, I think it'd be fun, if tomorrow you guessed which of the beginners is me after my class ends but before yours starts _

**What are you talking about Little Bird**

_ Like we are definitely going to meet tomorrow _

_ In person I mean _

_ And I know what you look like _

_ And you're pretty easy to pick out in a crowd _

_ Unforgettable really _

**Because of the face**

_ Well. Yes. That's true _

_ But mostly because of the height and the build and, you know you are at least a head taller than the tallest guy I know. _

_ And. You're arms. Are bigger than my head _

_ Probably _

_ And. Your Like. 'Phwoar' _

**Hm**

_ That's my sister's word _

_ But you don't know what I look like! _

**So you want me to guess which one of the beginner class is you?**

_ Exactly _

**How am I supposed to know which one is you?**

_ Duh Fred! Guess based on what you know of me _

**And scare the shit out of some girl when I get it wrong. No thanks.**

_ I'll intercept if I see you going to the wrong person _

**Nah**

_ Oh come on _

_ It'll be fun _

**No**

_ Please _

_ Pretty please _

**I've changed me answer**

_ Goody _

**To fuck no**

_ Hound! _

_ What if I sent you a photo to help? _

**A photo?**

**Of you?**

_ It'll be of me I swear _

_ And if you guess correctly I'll treat you to dinner at a place of your choice _

_ And if you guess wrong you have to let me see stranger. And dress you both up in matching outfits. _

_ Hound? _

**You'll send a picture and it'll be of you**

_i swear on my honor_

**Fine. Alright then.**

_You agree?!_

**Yes.**

_ Great! _

_ Here's a good one _

_ Attachment: 10565.jpg _

**Little bird!**

**What the fuck is that?!**

_ It's my elbow! _

_ I never said it would be my face! _

_ Rickon took that photo by accident one time last winter _

_ And don't think the girl in the background will help! She may be my sister but we don't really look like each other _

**That's arya?**

_ Yup _

**Why does she look like she's going to kill someone**

_ Oh, because Theon's an asshole _

**How the fuck is this piece of shit photo supposed to help?**

_ Not my problem! _

_ See you tomorrow! _

**_The next evening_ **

_ Hound! _

_ How did you know it was me! _

**I got skills**

_ You couldn't tell anything from that photo! _

_ And you just walked straight up to me and bowed with no hesitation _

_ BOWED _

_ Like it was the middle ages _

_ And then you walked off like it was no big deal! _

_ Marjorie was so astonished _

_ Thatshe swore and almost smacked my butt _

_ Which she only does when she was truly lost her equilibrium _

_ Because she knows I don't like her like that and respects my body autonomy _

_ How did you win?! _

**Wouldn't you like to know?**

_YES!_

_THATS WHY I AM ASKING_

**Ha ha. Can't tell you the whole story. But.**

_yes?!_

**I have my own Master of Whispers**

_You cheated!_

**There was no rule against getting help from a friend!**

_Damn! You're right._

_Ugh_

_I was going to dress you up in this_

_/Link/_

**Seven Hells and Fuck the Crone**

**I dodged a bullet there**

_What?!_

_It looks cute!_

**Nevermind a bullet, I dodged a fucking missile.**

_Dont be so dramatic!_

**Little bird**

_ Yes _

**You owe me a meal**

_ Oh gods _

_ I do! _

_ Do you like Dornish food, the stuff with the little plates? _

_ Or that spicey food from Asshai? _

_ Or do you prefer hearty food from the North? I know an amazing little restaurant  _

_ What do you like to eat? _

_ How do I not know this _

_ We've been talking for MONTHS _

_ I am a terrible person _

_ You aren't even answering _

_ I knew it _

**Little bird**

**Calm your tits**

**I am not answering because Stranger was trying to cough up a furball on my clean laundry**

_ Eww _

_ Gross _

**And I will eat anything**

_ Really? _

**I have an iron gut**

**Nothing I eat ever comes out again**

_ I am not going to feed you something that'll make you sick! _

**You couldn't if you tried**

_ Yeah, but _

_ I want to give you something you enjoy _

_ What's your favourite food? _

**Chicken**

**It's got a tonne of protein**

_ Chicken? _

_ That's it _

_ God's _

**Look. Little bird I don't care. A free meal is a free meal.**

_ Right. _

_ Normally I am amazing at this _

_ But I literally cannot make a decision right now _

**Okay**

**How bout this**

**The Westeros Historical Society annual fair is this weekend**

**It's going to have a bunch of food stalls with all kinds of stuff**

**/Link/**

_ Oh _

_ That sounds really great _

**Great**

_ Ooh, there's going to be a demonstration of historical sewing techniques on Saturday at 5:30  _

_ We could meet up after? _

**Sounds good**

_ Ooh, and there's going to be a dual for 'a fair maiden's hand' on Saturday evening _

**Hmm**

_ Ooh! And there are going to be fireworks! _

**Yeah. It's a big thing.**

**I was going to go on Sunday and check out the melee at the tourney at 1**

_ A tourney! _

_ How perfectly thrilling! _

**Yeah. Should be good.**

_ Hey hound _

_ If you want _

_ After I get you fed _

_ We could look around at the attractions? _

_ Like, together _

_ Together-together _

**Together-Together?**

_ A date? Maybe. _

_ If you want? _

**Yeah. That sounds good, little bird.**

_ Good? _

**Pretty good**

_ Well don't sound too excited on my account _

**Har Har**

_ Hm _

**You can't see me**

**But I am actually smiling right now**

**My face doesn't know what the fuck's happening**

**I just checked the mirror and it's a fuckin weird look for me**

_ You're the best, hound _

**Muscles I haven't used in an age**

**And**

**Call me Sandor**

_ Okay _

_ I am really pretty pooped so I am going to go and get ready to head off to bed _

**Night**

_ Sleep well Sandor _

_ Ten minutes later _

**For fucks sake**

_ What? _

**Attachment: 905.jpg**

_ Why does he look so proud? _

**Attachment: 906.jpg**

_ Oh No! _

_ Bad Kitty! No scritches for you! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for commenting on the last chapter!
> 
> This is nearly finished but I truly appreciate all the encouragement!


	10. Fireworks

**Spider**

_ Sandor Clegane _

**I need a favour**

_ Oho! A favour - how delightful _

**Yeah yeah. What'll it cost me**

_ The cost will, in fact, be proportional to any effort made on my part _

**For fuck's sake**

_ But for you dear hound, I'll lower the price. I shall give you this favour for a mere song, some might say _

**They 'might' say, huh?**

_ Indeed _

**I need a pic of this one's sister**

**Attachment: 10565.jpg**

**…**

**…**

**Varys?**

_ One moment. _

_ Sansa Stark, pretty. _

_ Attachment: sstark1.jpg _

**Fuck off**

**That's her?**

**Fuck me sideways**

_ I am not into you like that darling _

_ But she might be into you that way if her browsing history is any indication _

**What the fuck is that supposed to mean?**

_ Hmm _

**What?**

**What?!**

**Did you find something else?!**

**Varys you fucker, tell me**

_ Now now hound. I just found some very interesting things in her browsing history. _

_ All good for you though _

**Tell me**

_ I don't think I will _

**Varys**

_ Browsing history was not part of our original deal, hound _

**Varys, for fuck sake, throw me a fuckin bone here.**

_ *Error: this message was unable to be sent. Please check the number and try again. _

_ "Varys, for fuck sake, throw me a fuckin bone here" _

**Varys!**

**I know you can still read this! You fucker!**

_ *Error: this message was unable to be sent. Please check the number and try again. _

_ "Varys!" _

_ *Error: this message was unable to be sent. Please check the number and try again. _

_ "I know you can still read this! You fucker!" _

_ … _

_ I heard you had a date _

_ :gif: waggle_eyebrows _

**Fuck off, half-man**

_ Ooh, that hurts _

_ I have never heard that one before _

**Ugh**

**What do you want?**

_ I heard that you were going to meet up with my nephew's ex girlfriend's best friend for a date _

**Where did you hear that?**

_ A birdie told me _

**A birdie?**

**It was Varys wasn’t it**

**That fucker**

_ You need to make sure that you ask for discretion when you get his favours hound _

_ But anyway, I am saddened by your imminent step out of Bachelordom and into Coupledom _

**What of it?**

_ I wanted you to come out to a bar with me tonight _

**Don't you have a bird of your own?**

_ Alas, she left me _

_ Apparently when she said that she “wasn't looking for something serious”. She meant it. _

**Didn’t you meet her through a sugar daddy site?**

_ I did _

_ But we had a connection beyond anything I’ve ever felt before _

**Take Bron. He’ll make sure you have a good time**

_ I tried _

_ He’s seeing someone _

**Bron is seeing someone?**

**Bron**

_ I know _

_ A single mother at that _

_ Not that I have anything against single parents _

_ I just never thought he’d want kids _

**Me either**

**I gotta go, half-man**

**Enjoy your evening jerking off**

**I hear if you paint your nails you can imagine that its someone else**

_ Ugh _

_ Why must everything with you be disgusting _

…

_ Margaery! I need your help _

**Sansa-love, I’ve just ended things with my latest squeeze**

_ Oh no!  _

_ I’m sorry, I won’t bother you _

**Bother away! I am only mildly saddened by him**

_ Okay, I am going on a date tonight with Sandor and I can’t decide if I should where this: _

_ Attachment: 11136.jpg _

_ Or this _

_ Attachment: 11138.jpg _

**How exciting!**

**That man is just**

**:gif: Chefs_kiss**

**Not my thing, of course, but perfectly to your taste**

**I’ve seen your browsing history**

_ Margaery! _

**Well, If you are going to leave tabs open on your computer when you ask me to order delivery I am going to see things**

_ :O _

**Exactly the face I made when I saw it!**

**I didn’t know you had it in you!**

_ Oh my gods _

_ This is just _

_ Too much _

**I’ll say!**

**But back to the problem at hand**

**Where are you going on this date?**

_ To the Westeros Historical Society Festival _

**Okay, it looks like you’ll be doing a lot of walking so ditch the heels for both outfits**

**You should go with the first outfit, but with the jacket from the second. And I’ll bring around some fantastic boots to go with**

**If you’ll do my hair and makeup**

**I am going to a new bar with Loras and Renly tonight**

_ Oh my god yes _

_ Thank you _

_ And I will absolutely do your hair and makeup _

_ Don’t forget to bring your makeup bag though! _

**Ugh, I did that ONE time**

**I’ll see you in 20**

_... _

**Hi Little Bird**

_ Hi Sandor! _

**So sorry**

**I am running a bit late**

**Stranger thought I’d like a dead lizard on my bed**

_ Oh no! No worries! _

**And I couldn’t leave it there**

_ Of course you couldn’t! Gross _

_ I’m waiting on the bench next to a huge stall called God’s All Bless _

_ Looks like the sell handmade furniture _

**Okay**

**I’ve arrived**

**I don’t see you**

_ I am waving my arms _

_ Nevermind! _

_ I am coming to you! _

**…**

_ Hey there! I had a really good time with you tonight! _

_ I can hardly wait until tomorrow when we see the tourney _

**Me too**

**I’m really glad that you convinced me to meet you in person**

**Here’s that picture I took of you trying to eat a turkey leg**

**Attachment: 332.jpg**

_ OMG _

_ That thing was HUGE _

_ I look hilarious _

_ Here’s the one I took of you in that helm (helm?) with the mace (mace?) _

_ Attachment: 11487 _

**It’s a flail and**

**I can’t believe I posed like that**

_ You look like you could take on a whole army single handed _

**Hah**

**See you tomorrow little bird**

_ Ni’night Sandor! _

_ Sweet dreams! I know I will! _

_ I am going to go to sleep thinking about your hands on my waist _

_ As we kissed under the fireworks _

**Gods woman**

_ Admit it _

_ It was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to you! _

**Aye**

**It was**

**See you tomorrow Little Bird**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for being with me on this journey and for adding your comments and encouragement.  
> This last year has been awful (for everyone, I think) and I've finally finished what it was that I set out to do with this fic, which was just to add some fluffy warmth to the world.
> 
> Thank you again.


End file.
